Characters are created by George Lucas- so they belong to him (I'm merely sharing for a short time). This is set shortly after A New Hope.
キャラクターを創ったのはジョージ・ルーカスなので、彼らは皆ルーカスのものです（私は少しの間だけ彼らを借りているだけです）。この小説はＡＮＨ直後に設定されています。
Doubts of a Hero
「英雄の憂鬱」
+++ by Michelle Lunsford +++
It was a typical morning in the east side dining hall. Various aromas, hinting at a plethora of edibles, wafted through the air.
A myriad of humans and aliens, all dressed in a varied array of what could only loosely be termed Rebel uniforms, were milling their way in and out of the area.
Still others had paused in the hall to enjoy a meal, catch the morning's news on the comm, or share a conversation over a cup of some preferred steaming liquid.
All these activities registered, at least on some conscious level, in the awareness of all the beings that happened to be in the area at the time.
東棟の食堂はいつもの朝を迎えていた。空気の中に、多種多様な食事を匂わせる様々な香りが漂っていた。様々な種族が反乱軍の制服を各々ぎりぎりまで着こなしてひしめき合い、その部屋を出入りしていた。
何人かはその場で食事を楽しみ、コムリンクで朝のニュースを聞いたり、温かい飲み物を手にお喋りに花を咲かせたりしている。そんな活気が、その場に居合わせた全員の意識に影響していた。
All, that is, except for one particular being.
ただ一人を除いては。
The young man sat silent and alone in a far corner of the room. He was absolutely oblivious to his entire surroundings.
青年は一人静かに部屋の隅に座っていた。周囲の状況が全く目に入っていないようだった。
"Hey, kid. You awake?"
「よう、坊や。起きてるか？」
Somehow the voice made its way through the heavy haze in the young man's mind. A pair of troubled blue eyes blinked twice, and then focused on a familiar face.
A slightly confused expression soon took form on the young man's features and he mumbled a response to fully express the extent to which he had understood his friend's query.
どういう訳かその声は、濃い霞がかかった青年の意識まで届いた。戸惑ったような青い瞳が二度瞬きをして、見なれた顔に焦点を合わせる。
すぐにわずかな混乱が表情に現れ、青年は問いかけに答えてもごもごと呟いた。
"Huh?"
「え？」
Han Solo gave a half chuckle before occupying the only empty chair at the table.
空いているもう一方の席に腰を降ろす前に、ハン・ソロは小さく笑った。
"Come on, buddy. Don't tell me you're *still* recovering from the party."
「頼むぜ相棒。まさかこの間のパーティーをいまだに引きずってるなんて言うなよ」
Luke Skywalker's brain slowly began to put the pieces into the appropriate places. No doubt it had appeared to his friend that he was out of sorts, so preoccupied had he been with his own thoughts.
The party to which Han had referred was the event that had celebrated the destruction of the Death Star.
While a brief medal awarding ceremony had occurred almost immediately after the demise of the formidable Imperial weapon, prudence and experience had then declared a hasty retreat was in order.
So the Rebels had packed up camp and withdrawn from their temporary home on Yavin IV. A few weeks later camp had been more slowly, but no less orderly, set up again.
ルーク・スカイウォーカーの頭はゆっくりと散らばった欠片を元の位置に戻し始めた。惚けていると思われたに違いない、考え事に気を取られすぎていた。ハンが言ったパーティーとは、デス・スターの撃墜を祝したものだった。恐るべき帝国軍の凶器が消滅した後すぐに簡単な表彰式は行われたが、経験豊富な慎重派の者たちがその時点で速やかな退却が必要だと主張した。革命軍は野営地を引き払い、仮住まいとしていたヤヴィン第四衛星から撤退した後、数週間後にそれまでより時間をかけて着実に基地を再構築したのだった。
The new Rebel base was now established on Kreelos, a remote moon on the fringes of the outer rim. Though mild in climate, it was just barely habitable due to the mixture of gases in the atmosphere. A few additional days had passed, and once the Rebel leaders reached a point where they felt it was relatively safe enough to step back and take a breath, a full-fledged celebration of the Alliance's victory was organized and duly carried out. This had been two nights ago.
新しい基地は外縁部の端にある辺境の衛星・クリーロスに設けられた。気候は穏やかだったが、大気は生物が生きる為に必要な成分を最低限しか含んでいない。幾日かが経過し、統率者たちが一歩下がって一息つける程の余裕が出来ると、勝利を祝う盛大な祝賀会が開かれた。それが２日前のことだった。
At various times throughout that long evening, Luke had found the focal point of the festivities to be none other than himself.
This experience was received by the young hero with a mixture of emotions that spanned the gamut from sheer delight to utter perturbation.
The later extreme, Luke had noticed, was especially the case when he discovered that there were several young females at the party who had expressed great interest in meeting the 'daring young pilot with the bashful smile'.
At least that's how Han claimed to have overheard one lovely hopeful's description.
It was, no doubt, this aspect of the events that led to Han's next comment.
その長い夜の合間に、ルークは幾度も参加者たちの注目が他の誰でもなく、自分に集中していることに気付いた。それによって、この若い英雄の感情は純粋な歓喜からひどい動揺までがないまぜになっていた。そして若い女性の一部が、『はにかんだ微笑みの素敵な若いパイロット』とお近づきになることに多大な感心を示していると知った時は、動揺の方が大きかった。期待に胸を膨らませた魅力的な女性の一人がそう言っていたと主張したのはハンだったのだが、明らかに次の台詞はこれらの出来事から来ていた。
Leaning in, conspiratorially, Han whispered to his companion,
"Or were you up all last night having a private celebration?"
いわくありげに顔を近づけ、ハンは囁いた。
「それとも、昨夜は一晩中個人的なパーティーでもしてたのか？」
"Han!" Luke retorted with a good deal of exasperation, a distinct color working its way up his neck and face.
「ハン！」ルークは真っ赤になって声を荒げた。
The smuggler gave his friend a hearty slap on the back.
"Oh, don't get so riled up, kid. You know I'm just giving you a hard time."
ハンは友人の背中を親し気に叩いた。
「そんなに興奮するなよキッド。からかっただけだろ」
Luke, not in a particular mood to appreciate his friend's efforts, responded with a sour expression before returning his attention to breakfast.
He took one bite, chewed, and barely managed to swallow. It was cold. Just how long, Luke wondered, had he been sitting here?
友人のそんな努力に感謝する気にもなれず、ルークは不機嫌そうな顔を作ると朝食に注意を戻した。一口ほおばって咀嚼すると、彼はどうにかそれを飲み下した。料理は冷めきっていた。一体僕はどれだけの時間ここに座っていたんだろう？
"Hey Luke, everything okay?"
「おい、ルーク、本当に大丈夫か？」
Once again it took a few seconds longer than it should have for Han's voice to register.
再び、それがハンの声だと認識されるまでには必要以上の時間を要した。
"Hmm?" Luke responded.
「うん？」ルークが応えた。
The older man drew his eyebrows together in a questioning, almost suspicious, manner.
"I asked if everything was okay." He paused. All joking had been replaced by obvious concern. "You feeling alright?"
年上の男は訝しむように眉根を寄せた。「本当に大丈夫か、って聞いたんだ」
彼は一旦言葉を止めた。冗談めいた態度は明らかな気遣いに変わっている。
「体調が悪いのか？」
Luke pushed his plate aside and released a sigh. "I'm sorry, Han. It's just that I didn't sleep well last night."
He waited, some part of his brain wondering if Han would take that comment and run with it. But the only response was the continued, questioning gaze.
目の前の皿を押し退けて、ルークはため息をついた。
「ごめん、ただ昨日の夜はよく眠れなかっただけなんだ」
ハンがこれで納得して立ち去るだろうかと頭の何処かで考えながら、彼は反応を待った。しかし返って来たのはそれまでと変わらない何かを問う眼差しだけった。
"Actually," Luke went on, "I hardly slept at all."
「実は」ルークは続けた。「ほとんど寝てない」
Han was leaning across the table now, arms crossed, voice low. "You want to talk about it?"
ハンは腕組みをしてテーブルに身を乗り出していた。声を低くして彼は言った。
「話を聞いてやろうか？」
Luke opened his mouth as if to speak, then thought better of it.
Finally, he just shook his head. His gaze drifted away and an uncomfortable silence began to hang between them.
ルークは話し出すかのように口を開きかけたが、考え直して結局ただ首を振った。彼の視線は泳ぎ始め、居心地の悪い沈黙が二人の間に流れた。
"Listen," Han said suddenly, leaning back in his chair.
"There are some things I need to do on the Falcon. I was wondering, if you're not busy, would you give me a hand?"
「あのな」唐突に、ハンが椅子に体重を戻して言った。
「ファルコンでやらなきゃならんことがあるんだ。もし暇なら手伝ってもらえないかと思ってたんだが」
"Sure, be glad to." The response was sincere, but there was a definite weariness in Luke's voice that he made no attempt to hide.
"I'm scheduled for some flight simulations later this morning, but I'm free after that."
「勿論、喜んで手伝うよ」
心からの返答ではあったが、ルークの声音には隠しようも無い疲労の影があった。
「午前中は模擬飛行訓練が入ってるけど、それが終われば暇なんだ」
There was another, slightest of pauses before Han stood and responded,
"Just come by the hanger bay whenever you're ready. I'll probably be there all day."
ハンが立ち上がり返事をするまでには、また短い沈黙があった。
「お前の都合が良い時に格納庫に来いよ。俺は多分一日中いるからな」
Luke managed a nod and watched as his friend turned and exited the dining hall.
The next thing he knew, Artoo was beside the table, emitting a series of unmistakably urgent beeps.
The young man blinked, realizing once again that he had been sitting, staring blankly ahead, completely lost in thought.
ルークは頷いて、食堂を出る友人を見送った。次に気付いた時には、Ｒ２がテーブルの傍らであからさまに差し迫った電子音を発していた。青年は瞬きをすると、自分がまた考え事に囚われて虚空を見つめていたことを知った。
"Alright, alright, Artoo." A quick glance at a chronometer on a nearby wall revealed the reason for the little droid's insistence.
He was late for the flight simulations. Hurriedly disposing of his mostly uneaten breakfast, Luke exited the hall, Artoo fast on his heels.
「わかった、わかったよＲ２」
近くの壁にかかった時計に目をやると、それは小型ドロイドの強要の理由を示していた。飛行シミュレーションの時間に遅れている。ほとんど手をつけずに残った朝食を捨てると、ルークはＲ２を引き連れて食堂を後にした。
* * *
It was early afternoon and Luke Skywalker was meandering down corridors that would eventually lead him to the hanger bay where the Millennium Falcon was berthed.
In direct contrast to his leisurely steps, Luke's thoughts were racing about in a most haphazard fashion. He had done poorly at the morning's flight simulations.
No, he thought, poorly was too kind a word. Pathetic would be much more accurate. When the commander had questioned him about his performance, Luke didn't have a reasonable reply.
The excuse of just having an off day was not one considered acceptable by the Rebel Alliance. In this business, just having an off day was likely to get someone killed.
Luke had reluctantly admitted that he hadn't had much sleep in the past couple of days, and with a promise, as the commander had bluntly stated, to alter his sleeping habits and to spend extra hours in the simulators, Luke was given no further reprimand.
The latter of the requirements Luke was certain could be accomplished. After last night, he wasn't so certain about the other.
午後になってすぐ、ルークはミレニアム・ファルコンが停泊している格納庫の一画へと続く廊下を上の空でそぞろ歩いていた。おぼつかない足取りを繁栄するかのように、彼の思考はでたらめに飛び交っていた。朝の飛行訓練が上手くいかなかったのだ。否、『うまくいかなかった』なんてものじゃない、『痛ましい』と言った方が正しい。司令官に失敗の理由を問われた時、ルークは筋の通った答えを見つけることが出来なかった。軍の一員として、「今日はたまたま調子が悪かった」では言い訳にならない。この世界では、『調子の悪い日』は人の命に関ることだった。仕方なく、ルークはここ２、３日睡眠不足であることを告げ、司令官が厳しく言い渡した通り睡眠不足を解消し、シミュレータで補習を行うと約束することでそれ以上の叱責を免れた。２つめの約束は必ず果たす自信があったが、もう一つの方は昨夜の事を思うと確証が持てるものではなかった。
Once again the images flashed in Luke's mind. He could feel the back of his neck tense as he fought not to concentrate on them, not to fix his mind's eye on any of them.
He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He felt the bitter pain as it stabbed his chest, and then the bottomless void beginning to claw at him from somewhere in his abdomen.
No matter how hard he tried, Luke simply couldn't get the dream out of his head. When he began to feel a wave of dizziness, Luke paused to lean against the wall, hoping desperately that no one would stop to ask if he were okay.
再び、そのイメージが頭を過った。項の辺りが緊張するのを感じながら、ルークはそれに意識を集中させまいと奮闘した。唾を飲み込もうとして、彼は口の中が急にからからに乾いてしまったことに気付いた。胸を刺す鋭い痛みと共に、腹部の何処かにある底なしの穴が彼を引きずり込もうとしている。どうしても、その夢を頭から追い出すことが出来なかった。頭がくらくらして、ルークは誰かが通りかかって大丈夫かと声を掛けて来たりしないことを願いながら立ち止まり、壁に凭れかかった。
Don't panic, he thought silently, and focused on taking slow, deep breaths. Within a few seconds, the dizziness passed. The images also departed, scurrying back to the dark recesses of his mind where they would wait to haunt him again. He ran a shaky hand over his face, and wiped away clammy perspiration. For a moment Luke considered returning to his quarters. But he knew there was no rest to be found there. In sleep, the dream would only attack him full force. At least in physical labor Luke had the possibility of forgetting his demons for a while.
Besides, he'd already promised Han that he would help.
落ち着けと自分に言い聞かせ、ゆっくりと呼吸することだけに集中した。数秒で目眩は去った。イメージも消えて、また襲いかかる機会を待つため意識の中の暗い隙間に戻って行った。震える手で顔を覆い、彼は冷たい汗を拭った。一瞬自室に戻ることも考えたが、休めるわけがないことに気がついた。眠ればあの夢が全力で襲って来るだけだろう。せめて身体を動かしている間は、抱え込んだ悪夢の存在を忘れることが出来る可能性があった。それに、ハンにはもう手伝うと約束してしまったのだ。
The sight of the Falcon occupying one corner of the hanger bay was, in its own way, a comfort to the young man.
Luke had learned to appreciate the ship, having discovered through some rather harrowing experiences that she wasn't quite the piece of junk she appeared to be.
By design, outward appearance was little indication of what the Falcon truly was. Not much unlike her captain, Luke thought.
格納庫の一画を占領しているファルコンの姿は、ある意味で青年を落ち着かせてくれるものだった。苦境を乗り越えて行くうちに、見た目とは裏腹に船がただのガラクタではないとわかり、ルークはこの船が好きになっていた。外見は本当の姿のごく一部に過ぎない。そういうところは持ち主に似てるな、とルークは思った。
As Luke made his way up the ramp, typical sounds of routine repairs could be heard from inside. Mixed among the noise of tools against metal parts was the distinctive sound of rather expressive Wookie and Correlian curses.
入り口の傾斜路を登って行くと、修理中の恒例であるいつもの騒音が聞こえて来た。工具が鉄と擦れる音に混じって、ウーキーやコレリア人の感情的な悪態がはっきりと聞き取れる。
"Blast it, Chewie, I thought we replaced that converter not even two months ago. What do you mean it's blown?"
Han noticed the young man's arrival and waved him in towards the cockpit as an irritated Wookie reply came across the comm speaker.
Apparently the converter, though in good condition, had suffered by being hooked up in configuration with a much less reliable part; just one of Han's many personal modifications. The pilot swore.
"Well, we'll just have to get another one, and hook it up through the *left* power coupling this time. Use the older one we have in the spare parts until I can lay my hands on a new one."
「よしてくれチューイ、その変流器はまだ取り替えて２ヶ月経って無い筈だぞ。焼き切れてるってどういうことだ？」
青年の到着に気付いたハンが操縦室へと手招きすると、スピーカーから苛立ったウーキーの反論が聞こえた。ハン曰く、変流器自体に問題はなかったにもかかわらず、他の不良部品と一緒に配置された所為で駄目になったらしい。ハンのいつもの個人的な修理の一つだった。操縦士は悪態をついた。
「しょうがない、他のでやるしかないだろう。今度は左側の連結器に繋いでくれ。新しい部品を買えるまでは予備の中にある古いやつを使え」
The answer from the comm spoke clearly of Chewbacca's assessment of that particular resolution to the problem.
通信機を通って来た応答はその対処法に対するチューバッカの意見をはっきりと表わしていた。
"Yeah, well I didn't ask you to like it, you big furball, I just asked you to fix it. If it bothers you that much you can always work on the afterburners instead."
「ああそうかよ、別にお前が気に入るかどうかなんて聞いて無いんだよでっかい毛玉。ただ直せって言ったんだ。そんなに嫌なら再燃焼装置でもいじってろ」
Another derogatory bark was heard, but Luke knew that would be the end of it as Chewie went to work on the converter.
もう一度侮蔑をこめたうなり声が聞こえたが、ルークはそれを最後に、チューイが変流器に取りかかることが分かっていた。
"Hi, Han. How's it going?"
「やあ、ハン。調子はどう？」
"Don't ask," was the gruff reply. Then Han got a good look at his friend's pale features.
"Hey kid, you okay? You don't look so good."
「聞くな」憮然とした様子で応えて、ハンは初めてまともに友人の青い顔を見た。
「坊や、お前平気か？顔色が悪いぞ」
"I'm fine," Luke lied, and thrust his hands into the pockets of his coveralls. "Just a bad day in the simulators."
「大丈夫だよ」ルークはうそぶいて上着のポケットに手を突っ込んだ。
「シミュレータで調子が出なかっただけさ」
"Whatever," Han replied casually. "If you're ready to get started, I could use a hand with some fine tuning I want to do in the hyperdrive unit."
「なんでもいいけどな」ハンは軽く受け流した。
「準備ができてるなら、ハイパードライブの調整を手伝ってくれ」
Luke nodded. "Let's get on it."
ルークは頷いた。「始めようか」
* * *
Several hours later, the two men were tired and dirty, but the Falcon was a little farther along in her increasingly elaborate modified status.
数時間後、二人は汚れてすっかり疲れきっていたが、ファルコンのどんどん精巧さを増して行く改造工程はほんの僅かしか進んでいなかった。
"I believe that'll do it for today. I really appreciate your help," Han commented as he extricated himself from the narrow space between two engine components he'd crawled into earlier.
「今日はこのくらいにしようぜ。手伝ってくれて助かった」
ハンが早くから入り込んでいた二つのエンジン部の隙間から抜け出して言った。
Luke waved him off with the towel he was using to wipe the grunge from his hands. "Glad I could help."
ルークは汚れた手を拭いていたタオルを振ってみせた。
「役にたててよかったよ」
Han searched for his own towel, discovered he'd lost it somewhere along the way, and wiped his hands on his pants leg instead. "How about something to eat? I'm starved."
ハンは自分のタオルを探したが、作業の途中で何処かに無くしたことに気付き、ズボンで手を拭った。
「食事にしないか？腹が減って死にそうだ」
Having barely eaten a few bites of breakfast, and skipping lunch altogether, Luke heartily agreed. He was even a little surprised to find he was hungry at all, considering how his appetite had decreased greatly in the wake of his disturbing dream. Actually, he'd felt more at ease this afternoon, in Han's company, than he could remember being in several days. Suddenly the idea of facing groups of people in public struck Luke as something he wanted to avoid.
朝食にほとんど手を付けず、昼食も抜かしてしまっていたルークは快く賛成した。悪夢の所為で食欲を失っていたことを考えると、自分が空腹を感じていること自体が驚きだった。実際、ハンと一緒に過ごした時間はここ数日のうちでいちばんリラックスすることができていた。急に、ルークは公共の場に出て人の集団と向き合うのが億劫になってきた。
"Say, why don't I see about getting something sent to us here on the Falcon?" It was a simple enough suggestion, and Luke hoped his outward demeanor wouldn't hint that there was more to it than that.
「ねえ、ファルコンに食べ物を届けてもらうっていうのはどうかな」
単純な提案だった。ルークはそこにそれ以上の意味が含まれていることが態度に現れていないことを祈った。
"Why, you got something against eating in the dining hall?"
「食堂で食べるのに何か問題でもあるのか？」
The young pilot shrugged. "Nah. I just don't feel like going to the trouble of getting cleaned up enough for public appearance, and you're even filthier than I am."
Luke knew it was an excuse, but he didn't want to admit the real reason.
若いパイロットは肩をすくめた。
「ううん、ただ人前に出るのに体をきれいにしなきゃならないのが面倒臭いだけさ。それにあんたの方が僕より汚れてるよ」
言い訳じみているとは思ったが、本当の理由は認めたくなかった。
"Okay. Just be sure and tell who ever that if tonight's special is Marivian noodles, I don't want any. Last time I ate that I nearly broke out in hives."
「わかったよ。ただ日替わりメニューがマリビアン・ヌードルだったら俺はいらないって言っといてくれよ。前にあれを食った時、蕁麻疹で死にかけたからな」